Concerned about a child or young person’s sexual behaviour?
How we can help you
Are you concerned about a young person or child’s sexual behaviour around other children? Does a child you know do or say things you feel are inappropriate or that make you uncomfortable? Are you concerned a child you know has engaged in sexual exploration which may be inappropriate or harmful? Are you concerned about a child’s behaviour online?
We can help you:
Identify the signs whether a child’s sexual behaviour may be concerning or harmful
Approach difficult conversations with children and young people
Understand online problematic behaviour and the support you can offer
Anonymous help if you are concerned about a young person’s or child’s sexual behaviour
If you’re worried about a child’s sexual behaviour, offline or online, we want to reassure you that you are not alone. You can speak to one of our experienced advisors on our anonymous helpline. We can explore the situation with you further and discuss possible next steps.
Call 1800 01 1800 for advice, support and information. If you’re not ready to speak to someone on the phone, you can use our live chat or look at the links below. You can access these services anonymously. To stay anonymous, it is important you do not disclose any identifying information.
As parents and carers, we all want to do the best we can to protect our children, while giving them the freedom they need to develop towards adulthood.
It can be very difficult to suspect a child you know, may be sexually harming someone else. It can be easier to dismiss such thoughts and put them down to imagination. You might be worried about the possible consequences of taking action.
Help is available - it is better to talk about your concerns rather than ignoring them. Sometimes being able to talk about your concerns is all you need. Remember, you are not alone.
Bravehearts offers a four-part podcast series for parents. This series provides current information about internet safety from thought-leaders in this field such as the eSafety Commissioner and the Australian Centre to Counter Child Sexual Exploitation (ACCCE). In addition, they have resources regarding sexual behaviour in children, and support in teaching children and young people about personal safety, as well as many other areas. The information sheets are available in Chinese, Arabic, Creole, and Filipino, and there are also resources to purchase based on Braveheart’s personal safety program.
What sexual behaviour is developmentally appropriate?
Children move through different stages of development and their awareness and curiosity about sexual matters change.
Each child will develop in their own way, but there is a range of behaviours which are developmentally expected. Sometimes these will involve some exploration of themselves, or other children of a similar age.
It can be difficult for us to tell the difference between age-appropriate sexual exploration and the warning signs of harmful behaviour. If you have worries, it is best to seek advice and to take appropriate action to stop inappropriate or problematic behaviour so please do contact our anonymous helpline.
What is harmful sexual behaviour?
Harmful sexual behaviour (HSB) is a term used to describe sexual actions that are outside what is safe for a young person’s stage of development. It includes actions that can harm either the child or young person themselves, or another person.
Most children whose sexual behaviour may be harmful are adolescents, but even very young children may display sexually worrying behaviours. When this is the case, it is important to have open conversations with the child to understand more about the behaviour and why it may be happening. It is important to ensure that child protection measures are in place to ensure that this behaviour does not continue. This can include ensuring the young person does not have unsupervised contact with children, or putting internet safety measures in place. If you would like further guidance on child protection measures that may be beneficial please reach out to the helpline on 1800 01 1800.
The UK Parents Protect website has more information for parents and carers regarding harmful sexual behaviour which you may find helpful.
Why do some children act in a harmful way?
Children and young people who behave in a harmful sexual manner may be uncomfortable or confused about their behaviour and will rarely understand why they are behaving in such a way.
Some children may have been a victim of abuse themselves, or feel insecurities or difficult emotions which contributes to them behaving in a sexually harmful manner.
Whatever the cause of a child or young person’s sexually harmful behaviour, it is important the behaviour stops before any further harm is caused, and that we support all children and young people involved.
Signs a child might be engaging in harmful sexual behaviour
A child or young person who is engaging in harmful sexual behaviour might display certain signs.
These may be some of the signs that a child might be engaging in harmful sexual behaviour:
Seeks out the company of younger children and spends an unusual amount of time in their company
Takes younger children to ‘secret’ places or hideaways or plays ‘special’ games with them (e.g. doctor and patient, removing clothing etc.) especially games unusual for their age
Insists on hugging or kissing a child when the child does not want to
Tells you they do not want to be alone with a child or becomes anxious when a particular child or young person is coming to visit
Frequently uses aggressive sexual language about adults or children
Shows sexual material to younger children
Makes sexually concerning telephone calls
Shares alcohol or other drugs with younger children or teens
Views sexual images of children on the internet or elsewhere
Exposes their genitals to younger children
Forces sex on another adolescent or child
Becomes secretive about their online activity, shutting the door of the room where they are using the computer and changing the screen if someone enters the room
Hides traces of their online activity and storage files
Uses technology with children whilst excluding adults
Meets up with children and/or young people in real life who they have initially met online.
Has your child got into trouble online?
Stop It Now! UK has a guide with advice and support for parents and carers worried about a child or young person who has got into trouble online, including sexting, accessing adult pornography, or viewing sexual images of children. It will answer some of the immediate questions you may have after learning that something is happening, or has happened, in your child’s online life.
You can also visit the UK Parents Protect website for more advice and information, including how to implement a family safety plan and how you can take action to prevent abuse.
How to approach difficult conversations with children and young people
It is really important that you do everything you can to make the child or young person feel comfortable. Acknowledging how difficult it must be for them to talk about the issue and showing your unconditional support will help to create a safe and supportive environment for the conversation. It is best to keep an open mind and remain non judgemental throughout the conversation, including non-verbal cues, like body language and facial gestures. Remember that resistance may be a protective response and not to respond reactively.
Some things that might help:
Ensure the physical environment is a place the child or young person feels comfortable in and is familiar with
Prepare for the conversation and run through some possible scenarios in your head to better prepare yourself to respond in a caring and understanding way
Make sure you are relaxed going into the conversation and that you maintain this throughout
Encourage open dialogue
Use active listening skills
Be honest and open
Avoid judgement of the child or young person
Explore why the child or young person may be engaging in behaviour
Explain to the child or young person why this behaviour is not okay
Explore what support they need